When Caroline Changed Her Name

Dawn lies in the bed where they spent their last night

No stranger to regrets, this one is a keeper, concerning

The morning when she packed his bag and sent him on his way

Just go, she said, without a smile, and now he’s gone

Trawling paid, then, if you were careful what you spent

Give him this, he never was one that she had to rob

Of his wages at the quayside as some wives did

When the boat disappeared in a swell, he left her in credit, just

And then, nothing changes. She was alone anyway

She looks after everything the way she always did

Money still comes in, for a while. But they’ll stop it

And when they do, she’s not a hope to fight them on her own

A drink with the girls proves too much. Alone on the sea front

Mirror ball flashes on the pier, like a lighthouse beam

Brief anonymity, lemonade and barley wine

Lead to unexpected smiles, a dance and then a pull

She sends Caroline, nine, off to school with a kiss

Pleats ironed, blazer frayed, face scrubbed of tears

In half-light, told not to tell, she didn’t see at first

A familiar shape in bed. A gasp of joy, then stamping rage

Thirty-one is too young to be wearing widow’s weeds

And too old to be choosy - isn’t that what they’d be saying?

Instead of glancing at her, furtively, and clicking tongues

And walking on, hands clasping the handles of shopping baskets

Half an hour of make-up, nails red, feet squeezed into

Unyielding patent leather. A skirt - not too long, eh

Men, polite or leering, greeted with the same smile

Marooned on the front desk, she is the face of the company

The girls in the canteen don’t ask, if she doesn’t want to tell

Listening to them while they smoke is better than the radio

Caroline is a worry - quiet, still reading picture books

She sees out seven months, then hands in her notice apologetically

The money made sees them through the hottest ever summer

She hides at the beach or on a coach, not at home

From the news. When the boat is declared lost

She wishes Caroline would cry, or let on that she understands

The new man, to whom Caroline now speaks sometimes

Proves a stayer. He has a mother and a sister too

Both so respectable that they don’t have to show it

Sharing a semi and a car, grandmother and aunt in waiting

The wedding is on Christmas Eve, Registry Office only

Drinks with the mother and the sister, no other family

In attendance. Late husband’s relations informed

One reply: Whatever they say, I wish you well. No clue as from whom

With inevitable pregnancy, another issue: Caroline and he or she

Cannot have different names. A long evening explaining

Registry Office once again. With folded arms, Caroline

Won’t sign. No need. The school receives the new name anyway